Baby Poop Soup

During my minor/major gluten freak out on Monday I decided to make the ultimate veggie soup. I thought to myself, what will give me the most amount of nutrients in 1 meal that I don't have to really chew. If you didn't know I'm an incredibly lazy eater and hate chewing my food. It hurts my jaw...and teeth....
Anywho...so I decided to make soup.

I got the recipe idea from Bethany Hamilton's blog. If you don't know who Bethany Hamilton is you need to wake up and instagram her. She's like the coolest one armed surfer out there...well probably the only one armed surfer out there but who's counting? She's a total health nut and likes to post a lot of gluten free recipes on her fan site. Don't be shy and go to her site. You kinda feel like an obsessed 12 year old wannabe surfer girl from Kansas but who cares. Life's too short to worry about that crap.

The soup kind of looks like baby poop (hence the recipe title) but it's real good and makes you feel healthy and stuff. So here's the recipe breakdown:

Baby Poop Soup
1 head broccoli
1 block frozen spinach
4 cloves of garlic
1/2 onion
Handful of fresh cilantro (no need to chop)
1 jalapeño diced (seeds removed)
2 tbls of vinegar of your choice (I used red wine vinegar cuz it was closest to me)
Splash of worcester sauce
Salt/Pepper to taste
6 cups chicken stock
1 cup coconut milk

Boil it all together til soft
Blend the mixture.
Sprinkle with scallions and sliced almonds

Rosemary and Red Pepper Veggie Medley

These veggies were so much better the next day. The rosemary and the red pepper really do their thing to spice up the dish. I enjoyed eating these veggies while watching the most BIZARRE thing on my lunch break. 

Ok so the place I work is super weird. People are out of control unhealthy and they always collapse while at work. Our work isn't hardcore...we sit at desks all day. There really is no excuse to be passing out at work. Anywho. This chick decides to collapse outside. She was found half in her car/half out of her car. No idea what happened. The ambulance found her I guess and she was just laid out in her seat while everyone stared at her out the window. I don't ask questions..I just make up stories. Her story is that she went to her car on her lunch break...smoked a cigarette with the doors and windows closed up ..and nearly suffocated to death. So she decided to open her door and roll her body out onto the ground. Not sure if this is true...but this is what I'm making up and telling everyone. For all of you who have hearts and care...I believe the girl is fine. Thanks for making us all feel bad for laughing.

I hope you enjoy the veggies and think of people collapsing every time you eat them. I know I will.

Rosemary and Red Pepper Veggie Medley

1 zucchini

2 summer squash

2 handfuls of grape tomatoes

2 cloves of garlic (minced)

1/4 tsp red pepper flakes

1 tsp dried rosemary

salt/pepper to taste

1. On medium heat put your bacon fat in the pan to melt

2. Add all the veggies to the pan once the fat has melted

3. Cook veggies for 2 minutes and then add the minced garlic

4. Add salt/pepper, red pepper flakes, and rosemary

5. Cook veggies on medium heat until the grape tomatoes start to burst

6. Drop veggies down to low until the pork chops are done

Pork Chops in a Mustard Tarragon Sauce

Ok I have a confession to make. I haven't been eating 100% paleo. Huge surprise. Good thing paleo is a 80/20 lifestyle. I'm fairly close to the 80% during the day but I have night time sugar cravings. At night I usually like to eat ice cream, chocolate, anything that I baked that week. Last week I had a potluck and decided to try out a new recipe. I got this one from the interwebs. Usually I'm a number one fan of this girl's recipes but my marshmallow surprise was nothing special. No matter what I couldn't get rid of this dessert. No one would eat that mess. Even after I changed the name to marshmallow surprise it didn't excite people to try it. Marshmallow surprise isn't much of a surprise. I finally threw it out last night. I just couldn't keep trecking that crap all over the place trying to get people to eat it.

Anyways, after I threw it out I decided to make a healthy and super paleo dinner. Boneless pork chops in a mustard tarragon sauce. OMG so good. I'm usually not a huge tarragon fan. It reminds me of licorice tea for some reason. I don't know why..who knows. When tarragon is cooked in a mustard cream sauce it turns amazing. For the veggie side I cooked up some zucchini, yellow squash, and grape tomatoes with some minced garlic, rosemary and red pepper. Of course both the pork chops and veggies were cooked in leftover bacon fat. I prefer cooking everything in either coconut oil or bacon fat. When I'm feeling zesty I use the bacon fat. Maybe it's because I don't strain my leftover bacon fat so I end up getting little bits of bacon bits in the fat. I could just eat it with a spoon. I won't though...that may be a bit intense.

When you do make the veggies be sure to add the rosemary and red pepper. It's easy to forget those 2 ingredients but I promise you it really makes it. I love the little bit of heat the red pepper adds and rosemary has such an earthy delicious taste. Sometimes it reminds me of Thanksgiving. No idea why, it just does. Below is the picture of the pork chops. The picture took me forever to take because it kept looking all bright and overexposed. Also, the meat juices started to run and that was driving me crazy during the picture taking process. Meat juices.

Pork Chops in a Mustard Tarragon Sauce

3-4 Pork Chops (boneless)

1 tsp bacon fat

salt/pepper

1/4 cup white whine

2 tbls dijon mustard

1 tsp tarragon 

1/2 cup coconut milk

1. On medium heat plop some bacon fat in your pan

2. Salt and pepper your raw pork chops before putting them in the pan

3. Cook chops about 4ish minutes on each side

4. Remove chops from the pan and place on a plate

5. Pour white wine in the hot pan and scrape up all the good bits

6. Add your Dijon mustard, tarragon, and coconut milk and stir all together

7. Add the pork chops back into the sauce

8. Cover pan and simmer for 2 minutes

9. Remove chops and spoon delicious mustard tarragon sauce over the chops

Rosemary and Red Pepper Veggie Medley

1 zucchini

2 summer squash

2 handfuls of grape tomatoes

2 cloves of garlic (minced)

1/4 tsp red pepper flakes

1 tsp dried rosemary

salt/pepper to taste

1. On medium heat put your bacon fat in the pan to melt

2. Add all the veggies to the pan once the fat has melted

3. Cook veggies for 2 minutes and then add the minced garlic

4. Add salt/pepper, red pepper flakes, and rosemary

5. Cook veggies on medium heat until the grape tomatoes start to burst

6. Drop veggies down to low until the pork chops are done

Curry Ground Beef with Summer Squash

Yesterday was my first day of doing 2 crossfit workouts in a row. Not in a row, row...but I went on Monday and on Tuesday. My legs are sore, my arms are killing me, and I feel like I could sleep 10 more hours. Normal people would say that sounds awful and gyms are bad for you. I'm not a normal person..obvi by my posts.. and I don't think I'll stop crossfit for a very long time. Or until I run out of money...because that ish is EXPENSIVE. Especially when I already paid for a $600 gym membership somewhere else 8 months ago. Silly me...

So after workout last night I was so tired I kind of forgot what I put in my curry ground beef. Haha just kidding. I do remember. I really like curry and ground beef. There's something about ground beef that is such a comfort for me. Especially when I'm tired. I hate having to chew my meat for a long time. Ain't nobody got time for that! I usually call anything like ground beef, mashed sweet potato, butternut squash, soup...pre-chewed food. It sounds gross but I kinda like when my food looks like baby food...or throw up. Hopefully you won't think my picture looks like throw-up. It definitely doesn't taste like throw-up.  I'll stop saying throw up now.

As for my tiredness, I plan on taking the rest of the week off from crossfit. I have a half marathon on Saturday. Say what?!? I know..me too. Especially since I haven't ran more than 3 miles in like...6 months. So this is going to be more of a walk/run with drinks and snacks along the way. Except none of those drinks or snacks are very paleo. Gu packets will feel like cocaine. I've never done cocaine but I imagine it will be like cocaine. So I may avoid those at mile 7 or 8 when they pass them out. It's so tempting to take one because they are FREE! You know my love of free stuff. Maybe I'll take one and save it for later. #hoarder

Main Ingredients
2 tbsp coconut oil
1 onion
6 cloves minced garlic
3 medium summer squash
1/3 cup chicken broth
1 pound ground beef

Spice Mix
2 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp garam masala

Steps
1. Sauté onion in coconut oil until translucent (on medium heat)
2. Add summer squash, garlic, chicken broth, and half of the dish of spices.
3. Cook for a couple of minutes covered.
4. Add ground beef and rest of the spices
5. Stir everything together uncovered until the meat has browned
6. Dish out and serve with a side salad or veggie of your choice

Strawberry Bacon Spinach Salad

So it's strawberry season in sunny Florida. This is the time when Publix has cartons of strawberries for cheap, like 2 for $4 or something like that. I love strawberries because I feel like I'm eating a dessert. For those on the sugar detox I'm not sure if you're able to eat strawberries. Sorry, I think you guys can only have like an apple a week or some crazyness like that. For us paleo folk they say moderate your fruit intake if you're trying to lean out. Which I am, so I only eat like half a carton of strawberries instead of a whole one. I'll talk to you later about why I want to lean out (Shhpiels).

Ugh you know what also may be good on this salad? Walnuts and hard boiled eggs! Dang, dang I should have done that...next time salad.

Anyways I was a huge fan of this salad. I say salad a lot. I've also said strawberries a lot. I'm not apologizing.

I've never been a huge fan of fruit in my salad but recently I've gotten into the sweet and savory combos. Like honey mustard, I used to hate that. I thought it tasted like sweet mayonnaise. Nasty. There's no honey mustard in this salad so no need to second guess the dressing. You know, is this paleo? Omg should I eat this? What about my blood sugar?! All the usual crazy paleo questions that come up when you're trying to eat. I used balsamic vinegar instead of an oil based dressing because I'm lean and mean like that. Most of the time I don't even notice the oil in the dressing so why add it, ya know? Instead I added bacon. Who am I kidding? I would have added bacon to it no matter what. Bacon is awesome that's why. This bacon was already cooked when I decided to make the salad. And NO I did not buy the pre-cooked junk bacon. Maybe it's not junk, but I'm calling that crap bacon junk. This bacon was cooked by me, in the oven, over the weekend. I have a super awesome way of cooking bacon that even I don't mind doing. I'll tell you my bacon secrets later. #teaser

So try out this salad, it's amazing and makes me smile.

Main Ingredients
8 strawberries cut into bite size pieces
1 handful grape tomatoes (cherry if you like em big)
4 deliciously crispy pre-cooked bacon strips
3 handfuls of raw spinach leaves
3 tbsp balsamic vinegar

Steps
1. Grab a big salad bowl and put your spinach in it
2. On top of the spinach add your cut strawberries and grape tomatoes
3. Crumble the crispy bacon by hand or cut up w/ a knife
4. Sprinkle bacon over the salad
4. Drizzle the balsamic vinegar over everything
5. Toss and enjoy (the good stuff likes to sink to the bottom so mix well)